Sunday, June 25, 2006
pig arrx pig..
u damn stupid loh!hmph!
how can u sae u dun wanna bother abt me?!?!
i veri sad de loh.u r my closest pig.
i noe u care for me.but den...i am nt changin.
my fren all oso leavin me le.but onli u al dunno how i feel mah.
dui bu qi den.but den,u cannot leave me!my bdae cumin le.
i stil wan u to celebrate it with ME!!!
me n and ah bee,we go eat together okie?
after my cca loh.hahas or u al wan to bring me go reseturant eat?
hmmm i is anything de.im fine with it =]
dui bu qi..i let u down.i keep on tinkin abt myself.but not u..i veri selfish rite?sorri lei..i noe how to cherish this frenship.
is jux tt i dun show it all out..im sorri!!!!
pig arrx pig...go perserve for ur dream okie?haiiss..
wan be a hairdresser den be okie?
dun regret in the end arrx..i tel u first okie?
dun do things tt u wil regret...haiiss...
u r not a bad influence ..not at all...i stil love u the wae u r! =]
I can see that you've been cryin You can't hide it with the light What's the use in you denying That what you had is wrongbut believe me for sure,
i'll be dere. =]
Keep smiling, keep shining
Knowing you can always count on me, for sure
That's what friends are for
For good times and bad timesI'll be on your side forever more
That's what friends are for
{ soulful writings by } ]]x[loving you hurts]x[ at
10:40 AM
I know I can be a little stubborn sometimes
A little righteous and too proud
I just want to find a way to compromise
Cos I believe that we can work things out
I thought I had all the answers never giving in
But baby since you've gone I admit that I was wrong
All I know is I'm lost without you I'm not gonna lie
How my going to be strong without you I need you by my side
If we ever say we'll never be together and we ended with goodbye don't know what I'd do ...I'm
lost without you
I keep trying to find my way but all I know is I'm lost without you
I keep trying to face the day I'm lost without you
How my ever gonna get rid of these blues
Baby I'm so lonely all the time
Everywhere I go I get so confused
You're the only thing that's on my mind
Oh my beds so cold at night and I miss you more each day
Only you can make it right no I'm not too proud to say
All I know is I'm lost without you I'm not gonna lie
How my going to be strong without you I need you by my side
If we ever say we'll never be together and we ended with goodbye don't know what I'd do ...I'm
lost without you
I keep trying to find my way but all I know is I'm lost without you
I keep trying to face the day I'm lost without you
If I could only hold you now and make the pain just go away
Can't stop the tears from running down my face
Oh
All I know is I'm lost without you I'm not gonna lie
How my going to be strong without you I need you by my side
If we ever say we'll never be together and we ended with goodbye don't know what I'd do ...I'm
lost without you
I keep trying to find my way but all I know is I'm lost without you
I keep trying to face the day I'm lost without you
{ soulful writings by } ]]x[loving you hurts]x[ at
10:08 AM
past few daes,ive been spendin it with my jie mei n xiong di =].
i tried not to tink about anythin tt is cumin in my wae.
i tried..i guess..i manage to forget about it.at least for now.
haiiss..wad is happenin to me rite now?
oh well..fridae i had a bad stomach ache. early in the mornin i went over to jan's hse.i dress up myself.oh well.den we went to the airport.my stomach hurts..but we manage to see her out.den we are like so happi!twenty daes of disaster,havin to wait on her to return.hahas den jan so happi.den we to her hse.she give us our present.hahas..pris went over n she dress up so nice lah.hahas.
we went down to bugis.met up with von von.my ex stead...
turn so pretty le.den go smoke.hahas..
oh well..i watch silent hill!cuz von looks like a 18 yrs old adult.so we manage to buy thru loh.den its so disgustin lah alright,
after tt renee came over to find me lah.pris oreadi go le hahas.hmm den got some quarrel went on.so von so angry she walk out of us.,,i pulled jan back to tingwen's dere.den they tok..me n renee jux tok there too..hahas..funny.den me,jan n renee went down to payalebar.where dere has many memories...haiss.i stayed over at jan's hse tt dae.next mornin.jan woke me up from my beautiful dream =x. tingwen came over..some stuff happen once more.but we went over to parkway.den smoke dere..pris came over etc...haas..den we had a veri enjoyable dae dere.
my god son was born on 24june =]
hahas..den we went to jan hse to take sth stuff of mine.n we went to tingwen's hse later on.pris n i stayed over...den we had alot of fun time together...after all todae is a great dae =]
tml school startin le.perhaps we wil drift apart?wil we starts becomin like normal frens?jux lyk how it was when its e startin of another brand new ye.tis time,will my frens stay,or wil dey leave me instead?
how has my life been nowadaes?
its been a total mess...
i cant believe.but i teared on 23june for her.
haiiss its been long since we said goodbye.
why are those memories huntin me again rite now?
i dunn wad is in my mind rite now.haiiss..
i need to cry.but no one truely noes how i feel.haiiss.
haiiss i reali had enough.maybe its time to brk down once more.
but no one understand how i feel haiiss..
i feel so damn sad..i have to be strong.
stronger den others.no one noes...
my tears,no one get to see it.
i had enough.im terrified =x
{ soulful writings by } ]]x[loving you hurts]x[ at
8:42 AM
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Wednesday, June 21, 2006
hello.
todae i had band.band band band!!!
oh gosh...yesterdae i met her at my hse downstairs.
until 3plus arrx..so guilty tt i make her get scoldin when she go hm.
but she is so sweet lai.hahas....
oh well.todae i got band arrx...the rehearsal so fun lahh!
hahas...i love modem dance...den after school go with katherine to smoke..
i dunno wad is on ur mind...
i hope i get rid of u long ago.
{ soulful writings by } ]]x[loving you hurts]x[ at
8:58 AM
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Monday, June 19, 2006
am i so bad tt renee sis muz sae me?
i noe my maple sucks like hell..
but she muz insult until like tt mehh?
stupid la...who lao ehhx...den make me so sad.
but i tink janelle n jamayne n renee all veri nice.
dey help me thru.the guy in maple sae im noob..haiiss..
i feel so discouraged. veri veri discouraged..haiiss...
i dunno wad has got into me.this two daes...
i will onli noe how to feel upset.n nth else le.haiiss...
i slept at 8am in the mornin...thanks to janelle n renee...
make me play maple with dem...until i wan die lah..
haiiss i woke up at 8.i onli sleep 2 hrs..supposedly tml is 9 to 5 pm.
but luckily dey change it to 2 to 5....
todae reach sch at 9 sharp.no teacher all the wae.
make us go for nth..den play n go library sleep etc...
hmmm den whole dae slake there lah..
is like so damn fun loh..hahas...
den after band go to mit jan,lavi,char n renee...
den tok n tok n tok n tok...
den jan go tuition ,char go eat den lavi went hm.
left me n renee onli...den is like so funny.hahas...
haiiss den char n jan come down again..
den we tok abt sex...oral sex or ff etc..
for like ermx...3 to 4 hours?veri funny lahhh...
den i went home with renee...
tml is gonna be a brand new dae.
think jurami is cumin for band lahhs...
wish us all the best =]
{ soulful writings by } ]]x[loving you hurts]x[ at
11:16 AM
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Saturday, June 17, 2006
my daddy came home todae. nag at me about computer stuff again. haiiss ..everytime oso like tt. so sickenin lah dey all. hmmm alrights...well.. i was so tired yesterdae..i woke up quite late todae. about 1230 i guess. todae dey won their match. yeah!so happi for them lah.3times in a row=] good good.hahas..nvr fail as a basketballer. but esther ye oso not bad mahhs.though nv win. but stil , she help the team score quite alot. she veri cute lei.hahas i cant stand it anymore.
well todae got so many funny thing happen.
i went century to meet jan n char.
had a fun dae..cant help it but to keep on laughin.
oh well...den renee come n find us..den we did sth bad,hahas..if i mention it,im dead.
oh well..den yutin came...todae we five reali had a fun together.
oh well..den jan n char go watch movie.
left me n renee n ting..so we go arcade n take neo.
den so jan n char movie end.
come n find us loh.hahas oh well..veri fun!
den i went to heartbeat concert..haas..
i simply love band alot!oh yeah.
i saw her* todae..hahas so cute lah... ermx...den hor..she chat with me and etc. but our distance is like so far from each other.. abit too sad rite.haha..she veri pretty todae lei. hmmmd en hor..ya heartbeat concert got one girl.. so pretty .but siok n ting sae she not pretty.. i like can le rite.haha i seat bus homw with ting.. den happen to see calesta n oso tt gal lahh.. haha so fated rite!lols!
den esther text me.hahas she is like so nice n sweet. i dunno wad to sae lei.how huh?alamak... im dead...hahas...oh well...ya tts all bahhs.
bands my everythin!=]
{ soulful writings by } ]]x[loving you hurts]x[ at
11:06 AM
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Friday, June 16, 2006
guess wad?
yesterdae i was on the fone with renee..
den gabriel called me.
i was rather shock u see.
oh well..jaz ask me to meet her n gab at n2.
cuz jaz sneak out n end up have no key to go home.
so i pei her yesterdae.
suppose to go on at ard 6am.
but den me n her chat..as in reali chat.
den ard 7..
i lend her money cab home.
now i understand why is frenship important!
i love u gals to bits n pieces!thanks alot.
where did i go todae?
oh well..i went home.
i slept for onli 2hours.
den i went for band..
it was tiring but veri fun bahhs..
den *she gt match..
dey won!hahas good.
she is like so happi lah
i oso happi for her loh.
den after band went to meet my dearest sisters.
hahas i simply love dem.
i saw katherine walkin pass e road..den i shouted her name.
so we go together..den jaz cum down with us.
we bought cigarette.den kat go hm.
jaz n i go see hamster..
den shop n tok alot.
went home den i sleep for awhile bahhs..
den ard 540 i wake up.
prepare n bring ernest to see match.
reach dere jux in time
but still muz run abit.so ya..smoke dere.
i saw *her oso dere.hahas..
hmm ermx..esther did score well..
well done for her!*appaulse for her*
ermx ya.nth much le bahhs..
tml i have to go out with jan n char=]
n have band.
take care!
{ soulful writings by } ]]x[loving you hurts]x[ at
9:49 AM
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Wednesday, June 14, 2006
i had enough!
just get out of my life!
i had the hatred in me rite now.
so dun u dare cum n disturb me.
i wil kill u!
i hate all this!
hatred are in me rite now!
u are the one who cause all this!
{ soulful writings by } ]]x[loving you hurts]x[ at
8:47 AM
i hate myself.
i hate myself for all this.
haiiss why does tis happen?
i am reali keepin all my tears in me.
im reali hatin myself.
its all bcuz of my fault.
im not gonna forgive myself for all tis ting.
i nv do anything to make xiner hate me so much!
i nvr!
i dun mean a thing
i hate tis.
im gonna kill myself sooner or later.
it hurts me alot!
{ soulful writings by } ]]x[loving you hurts]x[ at
6:59 AM
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Tuesday, June 13, 2006
todae was a bad dae for me.
oh well im too tired.
yesterdae was worse.
its like a nightmares.
im wrong with everything.
i shld sae tt it was all my fault.
my fault to sae everything out.
im in the fault.
dun u noe how much i simply hates myself now?
its pointless saein all this now.
cuz its been reality.
n above all this.
it is all my fault.
stupid me rite?
i went to mit kat jux now in the afternoon.
i told her wad happen yesterdae.
n i was realli feelin down.
but dey al told me not to blame myself.
i told them tt i wont.
but do they noe?
i cant bring myself to stop the blames.
haiiss i feel tt im the cause of everything.
why muz u lie to me?
i suddenly feel the wae it aches when u lied.
i trusted you.
but u sae ure afraid i wil be jealous.
n in the end u lied.
wad kind of logic is tis?
{ soulful writings by } ]]x[loving you hurts]x[ at
7:20 AM
***************
Monday, June 12, 2006
i have so much to sae.
i wanna tel everyone tt im upset!
im down!
im depressed!
i hate myself!
i reali hate myself!
why do joanna come into this world?
she onli bring trouble to tingwen,jan,pris n even xiner!
if not..nth like tis wil happen anymore!
why would i be existin in this world?
why muz i appear?
can i jux kill myself rite now?
im hurtin badly.im badly injure inside me.
it seems like.my heart aches.
whats dere to sae sorri
when everythin is oreadi done?
wad for?
to ease the hurts?
to make me forget everythin?
u noe wad?
u cant.
u hurt me.
n its enough.
xiner,i noe u do care.
i noe u care alot.
thanks.
many things are so hard to tel u.
but i noe u care for me.
i stil need u in my life.
thanks for everythin=]
{ soulful writings by } ]]x[loving you hurts]x[ at
12:21 PM
todae i went out.
im suppose to mit pig at 1030am .
but still,i overslept until around 11am?
she was like kinda piss at first or sth i tink.
oh well,pig im sorry.hahs.
i cant force myself to wake up but stil,
pig wans me to go n take cigarette from her.
so ya..i went out of my hse.den she was dere.
i couldnt even open my eye big big lah.hahas
alright den i was abt to go back to sleep.
janelle ask me to go over her house NOW!
cuz got sth to discuss with me.den i reach dere ard 12.
but she sae shes not goin to tel me le.lol!
cuz ..ya...hahas. oh well..xiner was dere when i reach.
me n her didnt actually talk alot.oh i cant be bothered.
i read the leta she gave me.i was curious.
veri curious of sumthings..wad shld i do lehx?
oh no..den after tt,xiner threw away 5sticks of my cigarettes.
at least she care lah.so ermx..nvmx lohh.jux throw it away.
den we ate western food loh. ya lo.
den after tt me n xiner went home.
janelle kip saein i like xiner or xiner stil like me etc lah.
no loh.i dun lah.ermx..i guess..yupp.
i took bus home with her.
she nvr even talk to me.
infact she make me have to chase her all the wae lah.
den i was like..in the bus she cant even be bothered to tok to me.
den when she go..she jux turn sidewaes n smile to me..
as if i dun exist lah.tsk.den she jux walk away n get down the bus like tt.
my mood has been spoilt todae but tt..
i dunno why at tt time my heart suddenly jux aches.
as if its hurtin me alot.
but i was feel quite alright.
den i come online.
i readahem's blog...den i was like..wha lao..
i treat her so good she dun even care.
wad for muz i give a fuckin shit for her la.
correct?haiiss im jux feelin veri upset now.
veri upset.why muz u sae tt u cant be bothered with ur stead.
somemore in front of me lah.tsk.im veri upset lo.
stop leadin me on okie!
hey my jie mei out dere!
lu ting wen!i miss u!
hahas..faster cum back.
if not me n janelle wil be bored.
our deal is stil on!
so hurry up!!hahas.
{ soulful writings by } ]]x[loving you hurts]x[ at
5:02 AM
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Sunday, June 11, 2006
im feelin rather guilty now.
i read pris's blog.
i felt like..breakin down..
i didnt noe how much she is goin thru.
i didnt noe tt her self esteem is so low.
i didnt noe she despise herself so much.
i didnt noe she is goin thru so much pain.
im sorri pris.
i am nt dere for u when ure down.
i did promise to be by ur side.
but im sorri.
im one of the worrys in ur mind.
i let u down.
i failed to be by ur fren.
but i do trust in u.
tt u wil change.
no more screamin okie?
n rmb our promise?
nt to cry for dem anymore?
if u or i wanna cry,
lets cry together!
im sorri pris...
todae..i woke up at ard 1230.
i went to mit sand at orchard.
at around 245..
sorri snady kiwi,
im veri late arrx.hahas..
in the mrt,i saw one couple.
with two child.n e man's mum.
den e man seems so lovin..
as in his a good father.
den he look so nerd in carryin the bag.
for the children.
the toddlers are ard 3 to 4 yrs old.
both of them.oh well.the father's sandals
look too small for him..his leg oversize it.
but den..they may look poor..
but its obvious tt the do lead a happi life.
though they are poor,as long as there are happiness,
who would mind?familys usually are the one hu stay by
each other side.ive learnt the mistake.
tt we shld cherish our family.
dey are important ppl in our lifes.
hopefully xiner noes tt though her family despise her,
but still,deep down dey dun mean anything.
dey do care for her.afterall,her family loves her.
yupp.i wish i can tell tis to myself too.
nvmx den.i dun have a daddy,still got mummy rite?
father's dae is approachin..but i dunno wad to get for him.
hmmm ermx..oh well..i tink i wil jux ..cry if i see him lo.
wad a sad ting rite?but,joanna muz be strong.
daddy wont be able to see the upset side of me.no one wuld=].
i mit sand den i go shoppin with her.
we first find it so borin lahhs.
but den after tt,we do enjoy.hahas.
we tok abt alot of stuffs lah.
is like we go out together,
usually tok.but den tis time we tok abt DIFFERENT PPL=]
hahas i do enjoy alot.i like those ppl lah.
reali like dem alot lo.haiiss..
i reali like those ppl who looks like animation.
i bring sand to follow me to see dem.
wherever dey go.
i n her can jux seat in long john(with memories)
jux to see dem lah..hahas..dey look so punk la!=]
but their dressin cost around 500plus total bahs i guess.
dey are like so damn cool.
den sand rite.she so stupid lah.
ahahs.she almost drop my ice cream.but i mange to hold onto it lo.
end up my whole hand was filled with triple chocolates.
hahas thanks arrx sandy kiwi=]
hahas..ermx den we went down to redhill..
i was like so lost..sarah sae wad got spotlight..
hahas i dun even see any spotlight lah.
got lah but is like stadium.den inside is soccer.
hahas den we realise tt we are lost.
but i walk n walk den i saw renee.
hahas den i am like so happi loah.
cuzshe will give me direction to the t-net etc loh.
hmmm ermx den after tt we went dere.
i went up a block to smoke den i saw esther score for our sch team..
den i was like so happi.keep on jumin here n dere lahhahas..
ermx den after tt...i was tokin to janelle,
esther fell down infront of me lo!
i hate the no14 lah!
stupid!make her fall..i scream la!
den sand was like so shock.hahas..
den i was rather..worried for her.
sandy kiwi step on dog shit.hahas so funny lah!
den esther dey all lose.hmmm alright.
den after tt..shld i sae tt im angry or worried?
im veri angry with esther...tt she dunno how to take care of herself.
angry tt she noes her leg is injuried yet stil wan to go on court.
angry tt she dunno how to stop playin when her leg hurts la.
but overall i realise tt im more worried.
worried tt her leg is causin much pain in her.
but ermx..im worried as a fren bahs i guess.
den after tt im so worried tt ..sand shld noe.
i keep on irritatin her lah..hmmm..when i noe sand is sad too.
oh well..den renee run to the mrt station jux to take train with me n sand.
den after tt,hmmm ermx..esther reply me lah.so i stop at bedok.
den took train back to lavender.
at there..a train cum..esther called me to run in.
so me n sand juz run in loh.we look back den we realise
tt my silly renee rite..she stil sit dere.
wen she realise we run in,the train oreadi close door le.
so me n sand was feelin veri guilty lah.
den we call her sae mit at aljunied.
esther n her frens so funny..kip lookin at e left side.
when me n sand was standin at the right side.
den sand saw her *ahem.haha she so hapi lo.
frn esther noe i wan pass her sth..
so i jux pass her 0dollars20cents.tts all i have.
except for my 5cents.hope is enough for her cab fare.
i see the wae she is in pain..my heart jux brk..how i wish i can
carry her home instead.oh well..i care as a frens tt why lo.
expected her to msg me but in the end nvr loh.
so yupp tts all for todae.
hopefully..tml wil be a beta dae for me bahs.
im goin to jan's hse.
nowadaes i realise..im reali happily with u by my side.
thanks for cheerin me up when im sad.
i have been leadin a happily life nowadaes.
i simply need u in my life.
i love u lots .
1259am
12june06.
hurts gonna end now.
u shld be happi tt im over u.
its over so,goodbye.
245am.
{ soulful writings by } ]]x[loving you hurts]x[ at
9:50 AM
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Saturday, June 10, 2006
i will cry on ur shoulder.
if tt is wad i have to do.
i will turn to u,
when i am confused.
i will walk with u,
hand in hand.
all i need is u.
would u tell me tt u love me too?
i have to let YOU GO!
i cant hang on anymore=[
sae u love me.
n mean it.
from the bottom of ur heart.
im dyin without u byr my side.
ure nt over her.
ure over me instead.
why?
i wan the answer.
{ soulful writings by } ]]x[loving you hurts]x[ at
10:13 AM
todae i had a enjoyable dae. my silly laogong make me so happi todae. haiiss so sweet arrx she.. she bought me a big big big big present. its so big. the wrappin is so..big?hahas.den i haf to carry it. but den is lyk so heavy loh.hahas...den i mit her n kat at ard 120??haha..ya at tt time. den she bought me two big sort toy! ard 70plus lahhs.so ex loh.haiiss..is two chip n dale e soft toy. she veri swit..i did enjoy myself todae.sort of lahhs.thanks alot laogong!
esther text me todae.sumhow,like no mood like tt loh. so maybe its the truth.i am totally finally over her rite now. well,ppl shld be glad for me. if i reali over her den maybe i wont care so much anymore bahs. she dun need me wad..im happier now.
thanks alot to my dearest lightbulb. she is like so sweet!
ILOVEU!
{ soulful writings by } ]]x[loving you hurts]x[ at
3:43 AM
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Friday, June 09, 2006
so many things are happenin in my life...hmmx..
ermx...i hope tt i wil be ok stil.i noe i can be stronger as others tink i am.
everything is gonna be perfectly fine for me.
happi bdae to u,mummy!
thanks for owax being dere by my side.
its been 14yrs of hardship for u.
havin to support the family.
without daddy by ur side.
im sorri i hurt u so badly everydae.
i said mean things to u.
to make u cry..
yet i owax take money from u.
den nv did i help the housechores.
onli noe how to go out n slack at home.
its ur unfortunate luck to haf such daughter.
but u didnt failed as a mother.
i noe u did try ur best to give us wad we wan.
sumtimes im jux bein to naive to sae tt u r good.
i owax sae tt u dun care for me n ure biased.
but deep down.i noe u are not biased.
ure my best mummy.
pls stay strong.haiiss..
i have no courage to tel u tt u mean alot to me.
but stil..
i wanna thank you.
happi bdae!
ure our best mother!
{ soulful writings by } ]]x[loving you hurts]x[ at
9:17 AM
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i noe u did try ur best to give us wad we wan.
